


Our Ride to the Rectory

by sumikko



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 16:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15800628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumikko/pseuds/sumikko
Summary: After suppressing her grief all through her triumphs and tribulations as a Grey Warden, and eventual Warden-Commander, Minerva Cousland finds comfort in the most unlikely of places.(Warning of Major Character Death for the mentions of a certain character's death).





	Our Ride to the Rectory

**Author's Note:**

> The title really doesn't relate to the content, but it's the name of the song that really helped me finish up this one-shot that's been sitting in my saved files for the longest time. As much as I love Fem!Cousland with Alistair, my guilty pleasure will always be Fem!Cousland and Nathaniel. 
> 
> The song is by Team Sleep, if anyone's curious.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

With the passing hours, the bustle of that afternoon dwindled down and eventually transitioned into a relatively quiet night at Vigil’s Keep. Minerva found it surprising, considering the day’s heavy workload; she had been in and out of meetings with nobles and even some of the townspeople, settling disputes, and addressing any other concerns for the sake of maintaining stability in the region. There was, as always, still much left to do, but that did not stop her from seizing this rare opportunity for once and saving the night for herself.

At this very moment, upon her realization that she was at peace for the time being, she couldn’t be bothered by what would become of Amaranthine, her duties as Warden-Commander, or anything else for that matter. She _knew_ that she needed this.

Having put on a simple, burgundy robe over her nightgown, the Warden-Commander silently made her way out of her chamber and closed the door slowly behind her. Her experience with stealth in battle made it easy for her to slip past the guards posted at their various stations, as well as the quarters of her companions, whom she believed were either long asleep or too preoccupied to take notice of her anyway.

It was not long before she reached the castle’s gardens, a place she often frequented to clear her mind. Since her arrival only months before, Minerva always ensured that the gardens were tended to and maintained, for she was obliged not as Warden-Commander, but as Arlessa of Amaranthine to keep up the castle’s appearance for any visiting dignitaries and nobles.

Other than the more practical reasons for the gardens’ preservation, the gardens themselves had been very dear to her growing up. She could recall the many instances in which she visited Amaranthine with her family, and how the lush gardens had been her favorite place to be in during her stays at Vigil’s Keep. Minerva had spent countless moments of her childhood—and young adulthood—admiring the varieties of flowers and plants in between important dinners and when conversing with the Howe children.

Her footsteps fell quietly upon the cobblestone path that branched throughout the garden, circling some of her favorite areas slowly as she took in the sight and aroma of the flowers that bloomed even in the light of the moon. It did her well, for it set her busy mind at ease.

Eventually, Minerva came to a halt in front of a large bush of red roses, reaching to touch the soft petals of the closest flower. Her heart sank at the bitter reminder of a night that seemed almost forever ago now. She remembered Alistair’s boyish features, his smile and his bashfulness as he had given her a token of his affection, a single rose he’d picked from Lothering. Minerva wrapped her arms around herself, bracing for the wave of emotions that she normally kept tucked away.

With the Blight and the political instability of Ferelden, she’d hardly had the time to mourn those she’d lost–and of that she’d lost plenty. Most recently, and perhaps the freshest, was the loss of Alistair. They’d been certain that Riordan would have been the one to take the killing blow, but when he was lost, Minerva had steeled herself to make the sacrifice. When push came to shove, however, Alistair had been the one to get her out of the way and make the sacrifice himself in order to save her. Tears began to form at her eyes.

She had been a fool.

Perhaps if she had taken Morrigan’s offer, as absurd as it had been to Minerva, the situation would have been different now. Morrigan had grown to be one of her closest friends during the time they spent together, why hadn’t she just trusted her? What would have become of her life now if she had only listened? Would Alistair have been here with her in Amaranthine, reminiscing on things past? Or would they be sitting side by side at the court in Denerim as husband and wife? How would her own circumstances be different?

 But that was just it. She couldn’t afford to think on the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens. She made her decision, acted on it, and now had to deal with the consequences of those actions. Despite how full of regret she was, she could not afford to express a moment’s doubt to her subordinates. She had a responsibility now, even if that came at the expense of her emotional well-being. That could be put aside for now. For now, she simply had to keep herself at ease. Appreciate the scenery and collect herself before a new day tomorrow…

While consumed with her own thoughts of the past, Minerva failed to realize that she had company. Nathaniel had long since been in the garden, tucked away in a dark corner amid his own thoughts when he’d seen her saunter into the garden herself. Despite the current strain in their relationship, he couldn’t help but remember the past they’d shared in that moment. And he also couldn’t help but admire her beauty; her hair was even let loose for the night in dark brown waves cascading down her back.

Nathaniel knew why she was out here. He recalled that this had been her favorite place to be when they were younger, and often caught her in it still. Here and there he’d overheard word of her orders to maintain the place, lest it fall into ruin as it gradually had under his father’s neglect. It was one of the many things that reminded him, whether he wanted to or not, that whatever the world said about the Hero of Ferelden, she was still just Minerva to him.

It was these thoughts that aroused his need to speak to her, rather than keep to himself or slink away unnoticed.

 “–Warden-Commander?” He called, beginning his approach towards her and causing her to stiffen in place. After quickly wiping away her tears, Minerva turned to face Nathaniel with a small smile. 

“There’s no need for such formalities, Nathaniel. Not now, and not given that you know me well.”

“I apologize.” He said, stopping a few feet away from her. “It’s just that I’ve grown so used to it. All day it’s Warden-Commander this, Warden-Commander that.”

“Tell me about it…” Minerva paused as she searched for what to ask, anything to distract her from her previous thoughts. “I heard you went to visit Delilah today. How is she?”

“She’s doing well and is very excited for her child. It’s all she seems to talk about nowadays, but I am happy for her.” There seemed to be a moment of hesitation from his part before he continued. “She’s asked about you, you know. I think, whenever you’re not busy, you should stop by to see her. She misses you.”

For a moment, Minerva was taken aback by his suggestion. “I’ve been meaning to. Perhaps in a few days once things settle down a bit more.” She then trailed off, her gaze and thoughts returning to the rose bush.

Nathaniel frowned. From the start, he’d noticed a change in her attitude—a change that he knew all too well. Accompanied by her lack of conversation and enthusiasm, it just confirmed what he already was aware of.

“Are you alright?” He asked, taking a few steps closer towards her. They’ve had it rough these past few months that they’d been reunited again, but gradually they’d been warming up to one another once again. Though of course, this hadn’t meant that he hadn’t cared for her when they found each other again. Nathaniel would always care for her, and that wouldn’t ever change.

Naturally, Minerva knew this. It was the only reason why she felt he bothered with her at all. And yet she was tempted to keep her concerns to herself, to deal with her own problems just as she had since the massacre of her family.

She opened her mouth to speak, faltering as she debated whether to let him into the world of her worries. But, she stopped herself abruptly. “No, I needn’t burden you with this. It’s unbecoming of me.” Minerva began to walk past him. “It’s—”

Nathaniel quickly grasped onto her wrist, preventing her from leaving him. “You will _never_ be a burden to me, Minerva.”

“Nate,” Her voice cracked despite the effort she put to maintain her resolve. “I’m…I’m not alright.”

Slowly, she turned to face him again. The concern that colored Nathaniel’s features broke further through her façade. Vaguely, she remembered all the times in which she’d opened up to him in their youth about her worries and doubts. And every time, she had always found in him a supporting figure. Even now, this still held true and the longer she gazed at him, the more she knew that this was something she could no longer keep buried.

He held back from saying anything in response just yet as he let go of her wrist, waiting for her to go on and elaborate on what she meant.

“It’s…difficult sometimes, keeping up the façade of the great Warden-Commander. It’s a great responsibility I must shoulder, tending to the needs of others, and it normally takes up almost all of my time. However, when nights like these come around when I can finally _breathe_ , I’m reminded of all that I have lost.” She paused, wincing as she realized what she said. “I’m sorry. You’ve lost so much too, I shouldn’t—I feel like I am—”

“Stop.” He cut in firmly. “This isn’t about me right now. Don’t worry about what’s happened with me, I want you to go on.”

She seemed hesitant to continue, as if she would argue against his words defiantly, but then she nodded slowly. “I am reminded of what I have lost. My family, my friends, and…” A sob broke from her and her shoulders slumped as if she were defeated. “I don’t know how I can do it anymore, Nate. You have no idea how hard I must work to keep collected for the sake of Amaranthine. For the sake of the Wardens and Ferelden.”

Nathaniel watched, heart wrenching as she opened up to him. It hurt to see her this way, to see the girl he’d loved since his childhood like this. He reached out to her instinctively and pulled her close to his chest in an embrace. He knew how she felt, the loss, everything, but what he could not imagine was pairing this with the burden of command, knowing that the lives of so many depended on you. It was a wonder that she hadn’t buckled under the weight of such responsibility sooner. But then again, she always had been strong, despite any setbacks that came her way.

Right now, all he could offer her were some words of comfort.

Minerva eagerly accepted his embrace, arms wrapping around him tightly and hands grasping onto the fabric of his clothing in fists. Nathaniel let her cry into his chest for a good while, one arm wrapped around her waist and the other held up to allow him to stroke her hair.

It was once her cries finally slowed and eventually quieted that he decided to speak up again.

“You spend so much time buried in your work that you have not given yourself time to grieve, Minerva.” He murmured as his fingers continued to wind themselves up in her soft hair. “I know you don’t want to let others in, but shoulders all this and keeping it all within, it’s what kills you.”

Minerva said nothing in response, choosing to stay silent as she listened and allowed herself to be comforted by his touch.

“You’ve always done this. But this is where finding an outlet for that pain and stress is what’s best. It’s what helps you keep going and resuming your responsibilities with a level head.” Nathaniel paused, contemplating what he was about to say for a moment. “I know I can’t do anything to change things now. I can’t make the pain go away all at once. Still, I want you to rely on me more often. I’m here for you, whether it’s on the battlefield or outside of it. Please, just trust me again.”

After some time, she slowly pulled away, just enough to meet his gaze and leave herself still entangled in his arms.

“I never stopped trusting you.” Minerva’s lips turned upwards into a warm smile. “It’s why I let you go free on that night I saw you in the dungeon. You’ll always be you, no matter what troubles come between us.”

Nathaniel eyed her quietly and then did something he never thought he’d get an opportunity to do again. He leaned down and kissed her softly.

Minerva was surprised by this sudden action, unsure if this was what she wanted at first. But soon, she felt herself melting into the kiss and into the familiarity of his lips. The hands that once grasped onto his clothing made their way upwards, one gently splayed across his cheek and the other woven into his raven locks. She even deepened the kiss despite herself, finding that she needed this.

When they eventually both broke away for air, Nathaniel chuckled breathily and she glanced away, clearly embarrassed at her own behavior.

“I don’t know what to say to this.” She admitted, avoiding his gaze. “It’s been…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He interrupted her before she went on a tangent, taking her chin and lightly turning her back to face him. “For now, let’s just enjoy the moment for what it is.”

Knowing he was right, a smile crossed her lips again as she fell back into his arms.


End file.
